Hi I mainly started this blog because I needed some place to be able to express myself and I find writing therapeutic. I suppose I should introduce myself in case anyone takes the time to ever read these posts.
My name is Miriam and I'm 21 years old, I live in Australia but I am currently in Germany at the moment with my mum and her boyfriend who lives here. This is my first time ever to travel overseas and it has been a good experience and I definitely want to continue travelling. I suppose I've had a difficult but interesting life but I won't go into it right now. I've had other blogs where I have and I've decided to try and keep this more neutral. I'm not worried about telling people about my life and experiences if they ask or I feel it would be helpful in some way but I also would rather people get to know me now without knowing everything and maybe having preconceived ideas about me. I have become the person I am today from my experiences and problems but I am also not defined by them.
It's the beginning of the new year and this past year was a huge one. A lot of changes occurred and I'm not the biggest fan of change but as they say the only thing guaranteed in life is change. I started my university degree and managed to complete 3 units and did fairly well in all of them which I'm happy about. I had various health problems as usual which now hopefully are mostly resolved considering I've now had just about every non essential organ removed from my body. I had a lot of other adversities to overcome which I'm no stranger to. I've obviously travelled for the first time out of my own country and I travelled a lot around my country too. Due to my own mistakes and past etc I lost my best friend but that's not something I'm comfortable with talking about in any way. I turned 21 as well which I guess could be seen as a milestone. I've had so much time to reflect in the last couple of months. There's so much that goes on in that process a lot of self criticism and self blaming, sadness, anger, insight. I've been told that I need to start feeling and thinking through my emotions instead of running away from them. I mean they are just physical sensations in the body how scary can they be right? Well anyone with any form of depression or anxiety can tell you that they can be frightening and intimidating as hell.
It's been a struggle I'm not going to lie there is a lot of having to accept all of the negative emotions that I feel so intensely and in a sense accepting positive ones as well. It's darn difficult and I know it's always going to be a struggle for me to deal with unpleasant feelings and events as it is for anyone really. But I know that I cannot change the past I cannot reverse the mistakes I've made and I own up to all of them. I just want to start a clean slate now and move forward in my life now and make things happen for myself. I don't care if people think some things are impossible I'm still going to do my darnedest to achieve all I want to achieve. Going overseas has also been a huge step for me to realise that sometimes doing things that scare you are actually the best things for you. There is no growth without fear and overcoming those fears. I realise now yes I am capable and yes I can do things even though my confidence is still extremely lacking and my self esteem is non existent things are still improving it just takes a long time. I'm an impatient person and I often wish I could change my life and the world in a second and make things exactly how I want. But the truth is it takes years and years for anything like that to happen. But you progress slowly and so slow you don't even notice but it's still progress.
Anyway those are just some of my thoughts for today. Another day~
My name is Miriam and I'm 21 years old, I live in Australia but I am currently in Germany at the moment with my mum and her boyfriend who lives here. This is my first time ever to travel overseas and it has been a good experience and I definitely want to continue travelling. I suppose I've had a difficult but interesting life but I won't go into it right now. I've had other blogs where I have and I've decided to try and keep this more neutral. I'm not worried about telling people about my life and experiences if they ask or I feel it would be helpful in some way but I also would rather people get to know me now without knowing everything and maybe having preconceived ideas about me. I have become the person I am today from my experiences and problems but I am also not defined by them.
It's the beginning of the new year and this past year was a huge one. A lot of changes occurred and I'm not the biggest fan of change but as they say the only thing guaranteed in life is change. I started my university degree and managed to complete 3 units and did fairly well in all of them which I'm happy about. I had various health problems as usual which now hopefully are mostly resolved considering I've now had just about every non essential organ removed from my body. I had a lot of other adversities to overcome which I'm no stranger to. I've obviously travelled for the first time out of my own country and I travelled a lot around my country too. Due to my own mistakes and past etc I lost my best friend but that's not something I'm comfortable with talking about in any way. I turned 21 as well which I guess could be seen as a milestone. I've had so much time to reflect in the last couple of months. There's so much that goes on in that process a lot of self criticism and self blaming, sadness, anger, insight. I've been told that I need to start feeling and thinking through my emotions instead of running away from them. I mean they are just physical sensations in the body how scary can they be right? Well anyone with any form of depression or anxiety can tell you that they can be frightening and intimidating as hell.
It's been a struggle I'm not going to lie there is a lot of having to accept all of the negative emotions that I feel so intensely and in a sense accepting positive ones as well. It's darn difficult and I know it's always going to be a struggle for me to deal with unpleasant feelings and events as it is for anyone really. But I know that I cannot change the past I cannot reverse the mistakes I've made and I own up to all of them. I just want to start a clean slate now and move forward in my life now and make things happen for myself. I don't care if people think some things are impossible I'm still going to do my darnedest to achieve all I want to achieve. Going overseas has also been a huge step for me to realise that sometimes doing things that scare you are actually the best things for you. There is no growth without fear and overcoming those fears. I realise now yes I am capable and yes I can do things even though my confidence is still extremely lacking and my self esteem is non existent things are still improving it just takes a long time. I'm an impatient person and I often wish I could change my life and the world in a second and make things exactly how I want. But the truth is it takes years and years for anything like that to happen. But you progress slowly and so slow you don't even notice but it's still progress.
Anyway those are just some of my thoughts for today. Another day~
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